Active Listening.

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“Do not listen with the intent to reply. But with the intent to understand.”

I was fortunate enough to be invited along to a listening and responding workshop at the Horizon centre as part of my on-going training for Macmillan, working with people affected by cancer.

Everyone hopes that they’re already a good listener, but like with any sort of training, you always come away feeling inspired and that you’ve learnt some new skills; which is definitely how I felt by the end of the day. Fine tuning what you’re already good at!

The workshop was focused on active listening, and what was highlighted the most was that we don’t have to talk that much to feel close to and supported by someone.

Sometimes we want to help people by finding solutions to problems, but actually just being fully present and actively listening, is enough in itself.

Letting people sit with their thoughts, feelings and really process what’s going on.

Sometimes when someone confides in us, we find it really easy to jump in and respond, interrupting (with good intentions), to try to make someone feel supported. We might say we know someone that the same exact thing happened to, or that it has even happened to ourselves. As much as we think we’re being understanding and trying to relate to that person, if we let the person open up to us without interruptions, and not make it about us(!), it opens up the floor to them possibly sharing more of what is going on, and possibly lead them into gaining a better understanding of the situation themselves.

Another thing that stood out to me was that reflecting back what someone is telling you helps them to process it further, and can give them answers they didn’t know were there. By doing very little (in a good way!), you can actually do a lot, with a big impact. I love that.

Since the training I feel like I’m analysing a lot of conversations, and taking a step back more. It doesn’t mean you care less, it’s quite the opposite. If someone obviously asks for your guidance or suggestions then of course, do that. But you will probably find that most people just want to be heard.

Giving someone time, space, your presence and attention. It’s more than enough.

“Silence isn’t empty, it’s full of answers.” Anonymous.

Love and health to all of you,

Ali xx

Ali Chandler